One of the prevailing themes that’s been reiterated by every COVID-19-tainted TV spot running during this crisis – and I know everyone has seen them because what else do you have to do? – is, ironically enough, “togetherness.”

Perhaps you had the good sense to make a drinking game out of it, taking a gulp every time that some warm and fuzzy voice tells you that “we’re all in this together.” If so, you’re probably drunk right now, which explains why you’re reading this blog.

The concept of irony seems to be dying hard these days, which explains why corporate America is able to get away with touting “togetherness” to an audience that is being told to stay at least six feet apart or sequestered in their homes. Apparently, COVID-19 has brought us all together, just not in any spatially relevant way.

 

TRENDING AWAY

The truth is that social distancing shouldn’t be all that hard for us as a people. After all, we’ve been headed in that direction since well before COVID-19 injected six feet of fear and social distancing between us. Little did we know we were practicing social distancing for years thanks to a weird little technology called the Internet. Maybe you’ve heard of it.

Long before we had friendly voices on TV telling us it’s time to take a drink, there was this sprawling global network that allowed you to connect with people you know and those you know you will never ever meet. This meant that you were able to be an anonymous jerk to some other anonymous jerk in Poughkeepsie, NY or Walla Walla, WA, no matter where your anonymous jerk bunker might be located.

In fact, mobile devices like phones and tablets and laptops have made it SO EASY to connect with people, that you’ve probably at times found yourself texting someone seated at the table with you, or even right next to you on the couch. It’s like being there without having to actually be there, even if you are there.

And now that we actually have a sound, scientific reason to keep away from each other, it should feel like less of an imposition and more of a natural progression. We still feel connected, and you get to keep your filthy, vile germs to yourself.

 

PUBLIC PARADIGM SHIFT

Hopefully, social distancing will really catch on in public spaces. It would be great if you could go shopping without having pushy jerks behind you at the checkout line standing as close to you as physically possible without being inside your clothes. Apparently, these people have never grasped the concept of a queue, and believe that being physically closer to a cash register works the same as being physically closer to a fire.

Now that you may potentially have your own army of invisible assassins on your side that’s ready to dispatch whomsoever might violate your personal space, all that should change. So breathe easy, and let the pushy pushers deal with the threat of your mucous ninjas.

And who knows? Maybe once the threat of COVID-19 has receded into little more than some suppressed memories for your therapist to excavate, the habit of social distancing will remain. Just imagine the copious amount of personal space you could now possess. Enough to not smell the tuna sandwich someone had for lunch, or to experience the results of their allergy to deodorant. Surely, this would help bring us closer together as a people.

Sounds like time for a drink.

Who knew change would be so hard? Hey, we may not be “all in this together,” (drinks on us!) but we are definitely here for you. Give us a call and let’s talk about it. We can be apart together.

Air hugs to you all.